"Secret Park" by Cole Eady

Cole Eady's "Secret Park" is about a man looking to get his body to a more fit state. His two friends from high school have kept themselves healthy and fit, and are willing to help him, but the narrator feels inadequate in comparison to them. The apparent conflict is, therefore, the narrator's struggle with exercises he thinks are simple and the eyes of the people around him watching him fail. The real conflict, however, is something that the narrator isn't even aware of and creates an interesting story arc.

The attention to detail in this piece is very good. I, as a reader, was able to understand the narrator's distress while comparing his life to those of his old high school friends - body and lifestyle wise. Particular details, such as the fact that James arrives in a Mercedes Benz and is a doctor, show that the narrator associates having a fit, well muscled, and ideal body with being successful in a monetary sense. It's also easy to see that the narrator considers Sean and James to be living seemingly perfect lives - it never occurs to him that something like an allergic reaction can take down a man like James, who seems to have everything. Other details, such as those describing the setting of the Secret Park, make the story very strong. It's easy to see exactly where the story is taking place, but Cole used minimal exposition. We catch glimpses of the lives surrounding the main story, preventing the piece from feeling isolated from the world.

One thing that would make the story stronger, I think, would be to have more detail about Sean. James has a nice car and a job as a doctor, but the reader never finds out about Sean's "perfect life." The set up of these two strong, healthy men is a large part of the story, so setting up Sean as a strong character is important. As a reader, I also would like to know about what happened after James went into anaphylactic shock. Did the narrator go to see him in the hospital? Did James live? What is he allergic to? The climax of the story seems to be when James has his episode, and I'd like to see this climax reach a resolution.